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What is online dating?

Online dating is simply the name given to the process of meeting and socializing with people on the internet. The term "online dating" itself is rather inaccurate – people generally don't date on the internet. They just use it to make initial contact. A more accurate term would have been "online introductions", but that doesn't sound nearly as catchy.

Online dating is now a highly popular activity. Approximately 20 million people in the UK use online dating sites every month. In the US, where internet dating is now virtually a mainstream activity, the number is even higher.

Although most people associate online dating with dedicated dating sites, there are other means of using the Net to socialize, such as social networking sites, message boards, and chat rooms. If you take all these into account, you will realize that billions, rather than mere millions of people are using the internet for social purposes every day.

Will online dating work for me?

Simply put, anyone can try online dating. However, your level of success will depend on several different factors. Using the internet, you can connect with thousands of new people without even having to leave the house. This makes online dating particularly useful for those who fall under the below categories:

• People who are generally unable to go out and socialize regularly such as single parents, busy professionals, and those who are bedridden or disabled
• People with small social circles that lack suitable singles (single divorcées, people in rural areas, and anyone who’s recently moved to a new city)
• People who want to know more about their potential dates before meeting them in person
• People who do not enjoy the loud social situations that are usually involved in the traditional dating process and are seeking an alternative

While dating sites are a great way to help you meet people, they cannot transform anyone’s personality overnight or perform miracles. Those who fall under the below categories are not likely to benefit from their online dating experience:

• People with severe psychological or behavioural problems
• People who are still recovering from a bad break-up and are not yet ready to start dating again
• People who expect fast results with zero effort on their part

Is this the right site for me?

Even if you have narrowed down your search to a particular type of website and know what you’re looking for, you will still have quite a few sites to choose from. When assessing a site, look at the following details to decide whether you should sign up to its services:

• What features does the site offer? All sites should allow you to upload a profile and a photo. Some sites will also allow you to upload voice clips and video. Does the site offer a real-time chat function as well as messaging? Are there other useful features such as icebreakers and winks?
• Does the site load quickly or is it slow? Are there any error messages or broken links?
• Look and feel: does the site seem simple to use? Can you find your way around it easily?

Should I upload a picture?

If you are serious about online dating, you will absolutely have to upload a picture. Being camera-shy myself, I can sympathise with anyone who’s put off by the idea, but there is no escape. The fact of the matter is that unless you are willing to show your face to the online world, you may as well hang up your mouse and keyboard and give up on the whole thing right now.

Do looks really matter online?

I'll start with the bad news: your photo will be the first thing people will look at when they view your profile. It may even be the thing that makes them view your profile in the first place. There is nothing sinister about this. The human eye is naturally drawn to the image of the human face. There is no use pretending that looks don’t matter online.

When you start dating on the internet, you will be checking out people’s pictures to see whether or not you are attracted to them. Other people in turn will check you out in much the same way. You may think that is a shallow way of looking at things, but I believe it’s perfectly understandable. Luckily, not all of us are looking for the same thing. So someone you find attractive would be very different form another person’s ideal match. People come in all shapes and sizes and are attracted to people in all shapes and sizes. Instead of being worried about looks and beauty standards, concentrate on finding a picture that shows you in your best light and leave the rest to the eye of the beholder.

Should I contact people or wait for them to contact me?

If you’ve gone to the trouble of setting up a profile and paying your membership fee, you’ll want to get your money’s worth. You could sit back and wait for the right person to find you and contact you, or you could do something about it yourself, which is far more effective. Remember that by placing your profile on a dating site, you’re already saying you want to meet people for the purposes of dating. Any attempt at coyness under such circumstances would be pointless to say the least. If you are uncomfortable with the prospect of openly admitting to yourself and others that you are looking for someone, standard online dating may not be for you.

The fact of the matter is, whether you’re a man or woman, sitting back and waiting for prince or princess charming to contact you can be a long, boring process, during which you may be spending a lot of money on membership and getting very little in return. If you like the look of someone, let him or her know.

How many people should I contact?

Some of your success in the world of online dating will depend on sheer luck. Unless you are extremely lucky from the start, your dating will predominantly be a numbers game. The way to think about it is this:

• Not everyone you contact will write back
• Not everyone who writes back will be worth meeting
• Not everyone you meet will be worth meeting again
• Not everyone you start dating will turn out to be a long-term partner

The more people you contact, the more chance you have of finding the right person. It’s as simple as that.

In the online dating world, both men and women are more or less expected to keep their options open for a while, at least until they meet their chosen dates in person. There is no point in limiting your options at this early stage by pinning all your hopes on one person. Have a look around and contact anyone you think may be worth getting to know.

How soon should you meet?

The short answer is: you should meet when both you and the other person feel ready. The timescale for this will depend entirely on you. Ideally, you should meet up within a week or two of speaking to someone online, unless there are issues involved such as distance, time constraints, etc. if you speak regularly for about two weeks, you should be able to know enough about each other to be able to tell if it’s worth meeting up for a date. Some people make up their minds much quicker (in a matter of days), while others need more time to decide. Only you can tell when the time is right for you to meet up with someone. Like everything else in the relationship world, this is another issue where a compromise may be necessary in order to keep everyone happy. Most people would want some information before agreeing to go on a date, but wouldn’t wait around for one for longer than a few weeks without being given a very good reason.

Who pays for the first date?

Obviously, the safest option is to split the bill, as this leaves no room for misunderstandings. I know most men who offer to pay for dinner do it for the right reasons, but there are still a few weirdos out there who expect something in return. Going Dutch makes this a non-issue for everyone involved. If you are splitting the bill, don’t be petty about it. Being tight with money is not an attractive quality and it’s better to lose out on a few pounds than to make yourself instantly unappealing to your date.

If one person is to pay, then it will always be the men; it seems some things never change. I don’t believe women should expect the man to pay, but if he is offering, there isn’t necessarily anything wrong with accepting. It’s up to you to judge the situation and decide whether this is an honest gentlemanly gesture or something more sinister. Usually it’s the former rather than the later. It almost goes without saying that any man who asks a woman to pay for dinner is likely to end up dateless very fast.

Should I bring her flowers?

Never bring a bouquet of flowers to a first date. Things have moved on from times when this was acceptable and welcomed behaviour. The majority of women would find such a gesture exaggerated and possibly even freaky. This is because most men nowadays only bring flowers when they have done something wrong or on occasions such as anniversaries and birthdays. Bringing flowers, even a rose, could be taken as a signal that you have already decided that a romantic relationship is on the cards. This could make the woman feel that you are trying to pressure her into making a decision she is not yet ready to make. Save those gestures for further down the line when you both know how you feel about each other.